I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
