I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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