i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
