You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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