I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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