Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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