Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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