Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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