I look better un-naked...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
