I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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