She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
