Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
