First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
