He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
