Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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