I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
