my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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