Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
