Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
