Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
