im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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