At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He uses pillows to masturbate.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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