dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
