I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
