dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
