I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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