Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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