just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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