she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
