Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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