my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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