Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
