last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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