Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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