I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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