I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
