I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize