What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Randomize
