It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
