I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
