3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
