Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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