I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
