Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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