Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
