the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
