I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
