dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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