the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
