so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
