I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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