i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
