Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
