I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
