Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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