I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
