Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
