I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there is puke in my bra ... again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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