Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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