I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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