So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
