at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
