I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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