i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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