I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
