the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
