some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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