Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
