i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
