She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
