mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
