If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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