Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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