Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
