I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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