some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
