I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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